Another Chosen Day

I've mentioned Chosen Day in the past, created by John's family to celebrate his arrival from Korea in February 1985. I look forward to it every year. It's a day to honor John and what a gift he's been to all of us.

We often marvel at the twists and turns that brought us together, and there were many. John went from Korea to Atlanta to Nashville to New Haven to Oklahoma, where I was waiting to meet him. Meanwhile, I started in Aiken and went to Spartanburg which took me to Pennsylvania and Baltimore and Oklahoma. And there he was.

Music was a key player. After John got to Atlanta, it dictated both of the paths described above. At any point, one of us could have made a tiny decision that would've prevented our lives from intersecting. John almost won two big gigs that at the time, seemed like his dream, but they would have kept him from Oklahoma and in the end, our marriage. His career would look different right now, but isn't that funny? The thing that looked devastating at the time now looks serendipitous.

We're so thankful for the moments - even the bad ones - that brought us this partnership.

Happy Chosen Day, John.

Lessons Learned & Progress Made

Whew, you guys. It's been a crazy three months. In a great way.

I've learned a lot. There's a thing where you learn some stuff and another thing where your life actually changes, and mine was the latter. The second I insisted on positive energy was the moment I realized I was manifesting change.

We've made so many friends, and they're wonderful. Our view of the social landscape in our city has transformed, for the better. The way better. We were ready to leave at a moment's notice, but now we love Greenville. It's amazing the difference finding your people can make.

I've been working harder than ever. I've learned a lot about burning the candle at both ends and switching careers. When you leave something you chose at 16, and get to know yourself again as an adult, it takes some time to figure out where you want to land. For me, it took 1.5 years to discover where I want to be, with the help of some serendipitous landmarks and road signs. I've seen rewards, but I'm still working like a madwoman to make it happen. Though I'm not quite there yet, I feel close enough to stop for a second and write this post.

I've learned professional lessons. I understand that as disingenuous as I considered it to be, "networking" is indeed the way to go. And instead of a weird popularity contest, sometimes it's just nice people who want to help each other. Social media makes it easier, but it's time-consuming. I've learned that thinking outside the box and being resourceful - and finding others willing to do the same - is my best bet.

I've realized that being open, asking for help, letting my go-to reaction be "yes," and taking time to stop, smile, say hello makes all the difference. Inviting positive energy into your life, or believing you deserve it, can be half the battle.

Another transformative thing was yoga every day. Okay, almost every day. I used to be a twice a week person. This summer proved that finding physical activity that makes you wildly happy and sticking to it has great rewards. It also provides a sense of community. And I've consumed the coconut water of 500 coconuts.

It's normal for twenty-somethings to be asking questions. John and I have been wondering where we'll end up, what we'll do, how we'll contribute something to this crazy world. And perhaps for the first time ever, I'm enjoying the process instead of demanding an answer.

In the midst of a time filled with change, questions, and excitement, two things remain: John and Herbie. I'm grateful as ever.

What is Marriage: Gin Rosemary Lemonade

Apparently this is the week I abandon all former waltzes with vegetarianism and cook things in bacon fat, because I can, and because it proves my southern heritage in a way that no paprika-roasted chickpea ever will.

I'm okay with it. Things feel a bit more sluggish than when my diet is plant-based, but have you ever tasted potatoes fried in bacon fat and turned into summer hash? It's indulgent, comforting, and delicious. This week has been a respite from an otherwise frantic summer - a husband and wife taking refuge from the professional rat race, and instead, cooking meals, watching thunderstorms beside our dog.

That Which Determines Our Fate

15 people holding onto that which will determine their fate, by Amanda Blake 

I love this painting so much. I dream of hanging it in my home, gazing at each person, imagining the stories they would tell if they could.

Soon more people fill my mind. What would my mother be holding, if she were added? What would I be holding? What would the 8-year-old boy from the Boston finish line have in his hands? This year has been a sobering one, I think, for our country. Slowly we realize we can't protect our children.

There you are.

Hello again. It's been a while.

I can't really say where I've been, except that my free time has been spent writing for Prosper clients and doing hot yoga. I miss you, Flee to the Cleve. But, I am thrilled to be working for an agency whose mission I can support wholeheartedly. Their energy is palpable, and I'm honored to be part of it.

I was featured last week on the Prosper blog talking about my transition from opera to impact. Take a look here if you like. They are such a pleasure.

We're women now.

Last weekend I turned 28. It was really lovely, and John planned a whole weekend full of surprises, and I felt insanely lucky and loved and more and more like adulthood is yes, full of bills and obligations, but happier than childhood still.

27 was the first birthday I didn't get overly excited about. It didn't feel old, but it felt like that door had been opened. It was the first time that 30 felt close. I assumed 28 would feel the same, but a little worse. I'd be even older, and even further from that fresh-faced, idealistic youth I thought I should hold close. 30 brings a lot of questions - how long can you still go dancing? And what about short shorts? Is it time for fancy eye cream? Have you reached enough goals, is your career unfolding appropriately, do you know what's next?

28 doesn't feel as lackluster as 27 did. It feels a little smarter, a little more grounded. 28 has a few more fine lines, but those lines are experience. At some point this year, I stopped wanting to barter my experience for my youth. That's the difference in 28. The things I've learned are like little badges of honor on my face. I see their value, and though many questions remain unanswered, I try to stay present. Once this past year when I complained about looking older to my best friend, she said simply, "We're women now."

This year, I have a growing sense of gratitude for this opportunity to be an adult, create a legacy, make my own family. I see opportunities around me, all the time, to create light. I often fail miserably, but that's okay, because there will be many more chances. One third of my life may be over, but from it I take my partner, my dog, and my purpose, and I look ahead.

What is Marriage: Pizza Delivery (Taking Risks)

Marriage in January hasn't changed much since last week. This week is about big decisions for us, though, which is sort of nerve-racking. What's so interesting is how much has changed in two years - when I was willing to risk everything and move across the country to take a shady job in Vermont. Now that I'm in a better position and have some of the stability I craved, risk taking is way less appealing.

John and I had a conversation about this over the weekend - how it's important to not be scared to take risks, to move far away, to find new opportunities, to see new things. But at the same time, responsibilities and stability make it hard to take those leaps. We want to experience more places and more parts of the world, eventually, but we realize how hard it is to maintain that adventurous spark as we move further into adulthood and family life. How do you balance spontaneity with obligation, and new experience with stability?

I've been sort of needlessly stressed out, which makes poor John stressed out, and finally last night, I realized the best thing to do was order late night pizza, eat it straight of the box, and go to bed. :)

image via 

What is Marriage: Cold Winter Blues

Marriage in January is weird. For the first time in three years, John got sick. And it lasted forever. Then I got a different virus that was going around. Also lasted forever. Somehow, between work, friends, and orchestra gigs, we never got the time to watch movies and recover that we needed. We're doing that this weekend.

So, I learned a few things. Marriage is sleeping further away when John has a cough. Much to Herbie's delight, this leaves a big down-filled crater that's the perfect size for his little body, and being between us is what he lives for. Marriage is sending John upstairs the second he walks in after a long day of work and even longer night of rehearsal to check the spare bedroom for intruders. For John, it's checking for the bad guy without even telling me to stop reading scary books. Marriage is sharing prescription cough medicine. Marriage is walking the dog in the rain so the other doesn't have to, and sometimes, marriage is forcing your partner to drink large amounts of orange juice against his will.

Somehow, despite our lack of energy, John still manages to be my cheerleader. I've been considering some big decisions, and he's been my voice of reason, as usual. I'm thankful for that.

Happy Weekend! And links for you.

Since we were with family last weekend, John and I are celebrating our January 4th anniversary tonight. Last year we had a great time at American Grocery, so we're going back - can't wait. We are also excited to do yoga, see friends, and relax this weekend after a crazy few weeks of travel.

Links for the weekend:

Sarah Tolzmann's brand new Note to Self print shop got me extra excited about my trips to Charleston in February! Always a good idea.

What ever happened to downtime and sacred space? An important read for all of us, especially if you're obsessed with working like I am.

Just ordered this and can't wait to start it this weekend. Caitlin Moran always says that feminism is too important of an issue to only be discussed by academics. Couldn't have said it better.

Have a good one!

Lm

photo via our bach party in Charleston last year :)

Maxwell-Concklin Christmas III

I feel so lucky to say that this is my third Christmas with John. In a way, it's our fourth together, because he was the first person I heard from, via text message, on Christmas morning 2009. That was before our first date, and I remember being really excited it. :) 

I've told you about our tradition of having a private celebration before we leave town to be with family, which is one of the best ideas we've ever had. The photo above is a card John gave me, which was perfect. I was in tears before the first gift was opened. He's also gotten especially good at making our favorite drink, pictured below. 

We had said cocktails, let Herbie annihilate his stocking, and baked a wheel of Camembert with sun-dried tomatoes. We exchanged gifts before cooking Halibut in a Shallot Caper Vinaigrette and opening the wine. It was romantic and wonderful, and I already can't wait until next year. 

I'll be taking a few days off this week to be with family and friends, but meanwhile, we wish you a beautiful, cozy Christmas with the people you love most!

xo,

Lauren

Maxwell-Concklin Christmas I, and II.

What is Marriage: He's predictable and I'm not.

Earlier this week, I read somewhere that kids thrive on regular schedule and routine. I immediately felt a little alarm go off when I remembered that consistency is not my strong point. In love and support, sure, but in scheduling and daily activity? No way.

What is Marriage: Texting Started it All

Yesterday was December 4th, one of the three dates John and I place on a little memorial pedestal. We have both described how we met, and I've mentioned some of the circumstances that paved the way for our marriage. December 4th, though, was like the seal on a secret, hopeful little package we were putting together piece by piece.

Happy Holiday Weekend

"Thank You" by Trey Speegle at 20x200.com

Thanksgiving was wonderful. Hope yours was, too! Today is for family, yoga, rest, and movies. Here are some photos from our holiday.

And from Tuesday, when Herbie and I collapsed at 9:30 pm after the start of our holiday. It's been a busy fall.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

xo,

Lauren

November Gratitude: Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving really is my favorite holiday. It's kind of incredible that in a country so preoccupied with consumerism, we have a day devoted to gratitude.

This year, I'm especially grateful that I married John Concklin, truly the best gift I've ever been given. His support, in big and little things, is unwavering. He has shown me what it means to take care of another person. Also, he does the dishes. Our dish washing philosophies are different. I would rather relax for a while after dinner and force myself to clean up later, and he would rather do them immediately. This, as you can imagine, works out very well for me!

Confession. I work too much.

"Color Work Station" by Megan Whitmarsh at 20x200

Confession. I'm imagining myself in a tiny Real World confession room with that loud girl (Melissa?) who had braces from New Orleans, which I watched religiously for that entire season in 2001 and after that, never again.

I work too much. 

I even create fake work so that I can be working.

Messages from Lisa Congdon

Hi, Friends,

Though my creative energy is spent elsewhere this week, I can't help but share these with you.

Handlettered by Lisa Congdon, this reminds me of John. We knew almost immediately after dating that we would marry, and it did feel something like a missile, albeit a good one. I didn't think I was ready, but he patiently showed me the way.

And this - humanness. What a beautiful word. It isn't about perfection or success. It's about doing the best you can at any moment, and finding connections with the people around you. A nice thought.

Apparently today is for inspirational quotes. xo.

What is Marriage: So Check Us Out

Cheerleading.

John's better at this than I am. Seriously. Sometimes I start talking about how blogging is egocentric and I need to delete this entire thing. John stops me. Sometimes I say that I wasted my college and graduate school years on something I'm no longer doing, and that whatever money in the universe was intended for my education should have been spent studying A and B and maybe even C. John reminds me that music is how we met. Sometimes I unleash a torrent of self-loathing in an effort to pay some sort of retribution to my waistline for too many calories eaten, and John has to listen to every word of it. He still does a little cheer and a little dance, though, and says I look great. Sometimes he even lifts me in the air and uses a foghorn.

That's his job, I guess. Cheerleader. Was that in our vows? We should have employed the actual term, and that would have made us The Spartans. I promise to be your cheerleader and jump up and down screaming when you score a goal. John Young Shik Spartan and Lauren Ashley Maxwell Concklin Spartan.

Being my cheerleader is a hard job. I have a problem with perfectionism, as you know, and the other thing is anxiety. I worry about Herbie being at home alone, and I worry about the next career step, and I worry about having said something wrong. John tells me all those things are going to be fine.

I try to be John's cheerleader, too. I got him to spend more than two minutes inhaling each meal, and sometimes in the final, excruciating moments of a hot yoga class I whisper for him not to grimace. I even got to help a little bit in this whole crazy transcontinental job search.

I like to think we're winning in this, each giving the other what's needed. So check us out.

What is Marriage 3: Six Months!

Yesterday was our 6 month wedding anniversary. I promise not to count the months for the next 50 years, but during the first year, everything feels like a milestone. John and I spent the day together and went out to dinner, which was low key and perfect. I can say without hesitation that these have been, truly, the best 6 months of my life. Thank you, jysc, my love.

This week, I'll post a few wedding planning tips in honor of the halfway point. Cheers!

What is Marriage: 2

What is Marriage?, by Austin Kleon, at 20x200.com

When I started thinking last week about What is Marriage posts, I couldn't resist this piece by Austin Kleon. 20x200, by the way, is absolutely my favorite place to find new artists and affordable prints to, as they say, "live with art."

It's true, though, isn't it? John and I stand in the bathroom brushing our teeth together at night, and sometimes we laugh, sometimes we try to talk through the foam, and sometimes we're silent. Marriage.

What is Marriage: 1

Guess who this is. It's my husband, Nurse John. He's busy owning at work and directing an orchestra, but somehow he managed to coach me back to health during a nasty fight with bronchitis this week. I had multiple speaking engagements and had to leave town, and I couldn't have done it without him. When I'm wheezing through the night, he gets up to make tea and get medicine. He gives me his pillow, and he never even complains. I don't know how I got so lucky.

Oh, and Herbie helped, too.