Weekend in New York

This weekend, spent in New York, was the most inspiring one I've had in a long time. Like, a reminder to get out and explore every corner of the world, as soon as possible. There were three things worth noting.

Why blog?

I've asked myself many times why, and if, I should blog. What an egocentric pursuit, I tell myself. Flee to the Cleve started as a creative outlet when I left opera - and a way to document an exciting, spontaneous move to Cleveland. There was a lull while I was planning our wedding, but it remained a place to record moments in our little family's life that would otherwise be forgotten.

No Such Thing

Hi, friends!

Did you see this article in Newsweek recently? Debora Spar, President of Barnard College, presents the reality about successful women. She asks why feminism, which was meant to make us happy, often makes us so miserable!

As an advocate for women's college and a lady attempting to "do it all," this caught my attention immediately. Debora asks us to remember feminism at its beginning, rooted in sisterhood and community. A joint venture for social good.

Here's a confession: I've always been a silly perfectionist. Tell us something we don't know, you're thinking. I've been way too hard on myself, which leads me to be too hard on others. I try, sometimes successfully and sometimes not, to avoid this. As Debora says, I consistently feel pressure to try to excel in two jobs, develop my blog, be in hot yoga as much as possible, "impress" John with interesting meals, take Herbie on long walks, design our home, and be a good friend, sister, and daughter - all while wearing the sexiest shoes I can find. When I fail - which, as she points out, is inevitable - I get annoyed. At myself. This, as you can imagine, is really productive.

Why can't we accept, as Debora suggests, that something's got to give? Why are women always comparing, one-upping, degrading the ladies around them who seem to be doing it all - or worse, the ones who seem to be failing? I fall into this trap more often than I'd like to admit. Why aren't we celebrating each others' triumphs and taking care of each others' kids and animals? Why aren't we bringing back the potluck dinner? The old, trusty neighborhood women's unit - we need that back.

I got a big dose of sisterhood at Converse, and I'm thankful. Women in the work force are often, I've found, trying to take the other females around them down a notch. It's hard to respond to that with grace and dignity; in fact, sometimes it seems easier to just go to bat. Show up and fight back.

How is that going to get us the 23 cents we need to match the male dollar? I don't know.

Let's not be perfect anymore. Let's be messy, let's call each other and frantically beg for babysitting, and let's not roll our eyes when we do. Let's be nice and make lives that matter.

 xo.

Summer Quiet

You may think my lack of recent posts should be attributed to lazy days on the lake, trips to the ocean, and cookouts with friends. Summer at its finest. That has not been our schedule, though the past month has been delightful in its own way:

1. New jobs. For both of us! Within the same week. I'll tell you more about those later.
2. Home improvement. By this point, John is such a pro at painting that he's considering a third job. Not really. But now we have beautiful Dolphin Fin, White Dove, and Jeweled Peach walls! Photos coming soon. 
3. Friends. You may remember my post about the difficulties of making friends as a grown up. Almost as soon as I posted it, my life exploded with friendships, new and old. Ask and you will receive? 
4. I've been to Aiken for family-related visits twice this month. It's so nice to be a bit closer when important things happen. 

Here's hoping your Labor Day Weekends were lovely.

xo,
   Lm

How do you make friends?

Thelma & Louise, friends to the end.

You might have seen this article last week in the New York Times about trying to make friends as a grown up. John and I have had a lot of conversations about this recently - we feel ourselves settling down in Greenville and want to make sure we have good people to see on the weekends. Alex Williams is right, though - it is starting to feel impossible to form new relationships.

Luckily, I have a couple of good college friends nearby and work with some great people, but if that weren't the case, we might be in trouble. Our jaunt around the country certainly didn't help us form lasting relationships, and as we inch towards 30, I feel the ability to cultivate new friendship slipping through my fingers like sand on a beach.

Being married actually makes it harder. Now there are added layers of complexity: do both partners get along, can the wives and husbands switch around in conversation, can the couples afford the same social activities? I'll admit that I'm less inclined to ask a girlfriend to go for a drink after work, because I'm eager to get home and paint or hang out with John (don't throw up). And John isn't exactly beating down the neighbors' doors to watch football when I'll watch it with him at home. 

I've met two people during the downtown lunch hour with whom I wanted to be friends. One was so sweet she offered to let me, a perfect stranger, borrow her necklace for an event. I don't even know the other one's name. There was a third person - in my neighborhood! - who was a friendly dog owner, but I thought it seemed a little matronly (or desperate) to knock on her door the next week with freshly baked cookies.

John and I both have amazing friends from home and college, but without money to constantly travel, it's hard to get our fix. Neighborhoods no longer have cookouts or baseball games, and becoming someone's social media connection only discourages us from asking them real questions. 

So, is our chance to form meaningful relationships over? I'd love to hear what you think. :)