Thursday, July 11, 2013
What a Summer: Relentlessly Being in the Present
What a summer. That's a common phrase. Summer is the stuff dreams are made of. As a child, you spend nine grueling months of the year doing things like homework and studying, but all the while, you're dreaming of summer -- sweet, cheerful, lazy summer. Even as I approach the end of my twenties, I find that sentiment remains.
It's hard to know if it's caused by a sheer rush of vitamin D, or if it's linked to that childhood wonder. Carefree pool days, no homework, no bedtimes.
Popsicles. Watermelon. Sand.
This summer hasn't been the most magical. I finally realized why this week. There have been so many changes, so many shifts in perception, that I haven't been able to keep up. I haven't been able to process how I'm feeling or why.
I've learned something about being relentless. I've learned that to make anything good come to you, you have to go there. You have to seek counsel, do internet searches, put yourself out there over and over until you find a fit. It's exhausting. It feels like fighting.
But then there's a moment when everything becomes clear. Your fight was worth all the effort. Everything makes sense. It always comes. Maybe not when you want it, but eventually, it's always there.
What I need to do is learn to trust in the moment at which everything becomes clear and stay in the present with the sweet, cheerful popsicles and the watermelon and the sand.
painting by Paul Ferney