Another Chosen Day

I've mentioned Chosen Day in the past, created by John's family to celebrate his arrival from Korea in February 1985. I look forward to it every year. It's a day to honor John and what a gift he's been to all of us.

We often marvel at the twists and turns that brought us together, and there were many. John went from Korea to Atlanta to Nashville to New Haven to Oklahoma, where I was waiting to meet him. Meanwhile, I started in Aiken and went to Spartanburg which took me to Pennsylvania and Baltimore and Oklahoma. And there he was.

Music was a key player. After John got to Atlanta, it dictated both of the paths described above. At any point, one of us could have made a tiny decision that would've prevented our lives from intersecting. John almost won two big gigs that at the time, seemed like his dream, but they would have kept him from Oklahoma and in the end, our marriage. His career would look different right now, but isn't that funny? The thing that looked devastating at the time now looks serendipitous.

We're so thankful for the moments - even the bad ones - that brought us this partnership.

Happy Chosen Day, John.

Greeting 2014 & Looking Ahead

I recently asked John what word best described our 2013. Unfortunately he didn't hear "our" and said "twerk" without hesitation.

At the New Year, I shy away from hard, fast resolutions and opt instead for adjectives. Words I hope will paint my decisions over the next year. Concepts that describe my intentions and might eventually bridge the gap between what I want to happen and what actually happens.

When I asked John again for 2013 words, he gave momentum, change, challenge. 

I agree. I was scrappy, working hard, searching for answers, and he was, too. But on the other side, we realize now that we did gain momentum. It feels good, like we got some answers and have a plan.

The words I've chosen for 2014 all invoke a sense of calm. I'm letting anxiety related to career and future go and trusting the path that's emerging.

On New Year's Day, we did 108 Sun Salutations to welcome the beautiful new year. 108 symbolizes many things, but for me, it meant 108 physical prayers, or meditations, for 2014. The words became my mantra.

John described our hopes for this year nicely: in 2013, we worked hard to build our ship and cast our sails. Now, we just have to let the wind carry us.

Maxwell-Concklin Christmas IV

Hello and Happy New Year! I can't believe it's come and gone. I hope you had a beautiful holiday season.

Flee to the Cleve has been quieter than ever these past few months, thanks to my two jobs. I've been burning the midnight oil in many ways, but things are shifting. More on that soon.

In the name of tradition, I have to pay homage to one of our favorite days, Private Christmas. We did it again this year and loved every second. True to form, we took a night before family holiday travels to shut everything else out, cook a great meal together, and exchange gifts.

We had less time to prepare this year, having both been stretched pretty thin recently, but that made it all the more lovely to take a night out to celebrate together.

After that, we made whirlwind trips to Atlanta and Aiken before returning to Greenville to see some of our closest friends. And now, suddenly, it's a brand new year.

Here's to success, happiness, and growth in 2014.

Lessons Learned & Progress Made

Whew, you guys. It's been a crazy three months. In a great way.

I've learned a lot. There's a thing where you learn some stuff and another thing where your life actually changes, and mine was the latter. The second I insisted on positive energy was the moment I realized I was manifesting change.

We've made so many friends, and they're wonderful. Our view of the social landscape in our city has transformed, for the better. The way better. We were ready to leave at a moment's notice, but now we love Greenville. It's amazing the difference finding your people can make.

I've been working harder than ever. I've learned a lot about burning the candle at both ends and switching careers. When you leave something you chose at 16, and get to know yourself again as an adult, it takes some time to figure out where you want to land. For me, it took 1.5 years to discover where I want to be, with the help of some serendipitous landmarks and road signs. I've seen rewards, but I'm still working like a madwoman to make it happen. Though I'm not quite there yet, I feel close enough to stop for a second and write this post.

I've learned professional lessons. I understand that as disingenuous as I considered it to be, "networking" is indeed the way to go. And instead of a weird popularity contest, sometimes it's just nice people who want to help each other. Social media makes it easier, but it's time-consuming. I've learned that thinking outside the box and being resourceful - and finding others willing to do the same - is my best bet.

I've realized that being open, asking for help, letting my go-to reaction be "yes," and taking time to stop, smile, say hello makes all the difference. Inviting positive energy into your life, or believing you deserve it, can be half the battle.

Another transformative thing was yoga every day. Okay, almost every day. I used to be a twice a week person. This summer proved that finding physical activity that makes you wildly happy and sticking to it has great rewards. It also provides a sense of community. And I've consumed the coconut water of 500 coconuts.

It's normal for twenty-somethings to be asking questions. John and I have been wondering where we'll end up, what we'll do, how we'll contribute something to this crazy world. And perhaps for the first time ever, I'm enjoying the process instead of demanding an answer.

In the midst of a time filled with change, questions, and excitement, two things remain: John and Herbie. I'm grateful as ever.

What is Marriage: Gin Rosemary Lemonade

Apparently this is the week I abandon all former waltzes with vegetarianism and cook things in bacon fat, because I can, and because it proves my southern heritage in a way that no paprika-roasted chickpea ever will.

I'm okay with it. Things feel a bit more sluggish than when my diet is plant-based, but have you ever tasted potatoes fried in bacon fat and turned into summer hash? It's indulgent, comforting, and delicious. This week has been a respite from an otherwise frantic summer - a husband and wife taking refuge from the professional rat race, and instead, cooking meals, watching thunderstorms beside our dog.

Boston Fourth of July

We spent July 4th in Boston, the most patriotic city there is. A group of our best friends joined us for an exercise in relaxation, laughter, and fresh oysters. We stayed in an apartment with huge windows right on the Charles, so you can imagine our view of the fireworks. Incredible. I particularly loved this photo.

Here's to another happy year and more summer fun.

What a Summer: Relentlessly Being in the Present

What a summer. That's a common phrase. Summer is the stuff dreams are made of. As a child, you spend nine grueling months of the year doing things like homework and studying, but all the while, you're dreaming of summer -- sweet, cheerful, lazy summer. Even as I approach the end of my twenties, I find that sentiment remains.

Dog Moms are People Too

Motherhood teaches you a lot of things, I think. Right now the people who think dog moms aren't real moms are probably rolling their eyes, but I don't mind too much. All I know is that there is a tiny, relatively helpless being who counts on me for his health and happiness, and I feel an intense responsibility to meet those needs tenfold. Motherhood - the desire to nurture, extreme concern for another's well being, a sense of obligation that you welcome. Feeding and holding and staying awake at night if it becomes necessary. Or even if it doesn't.

Weekend in New York

This weekend, spent in New York, was the most inspiring one I've had in a long time. Like, a reminder to get out and explore every corner of the world, as soon as possible. There were three things worth noting.

What is Marriage: One Whole Year

It feels just like yesterday that I woke up with all my closest friends and started the day that would end with a husband. But unbelievably, it's been a whole year.

That Which Determines Our Fate

15 people holding onto that which will determine their fate, by Amanda Blake 

I love this painting so much. I dream of hanging it in my home, gazing at each person, imagining the stories they would tell if they could.

Soon more people fill my mind. What would my mother be holding, if she were added? What would I be holding? What would the 8-year-old boy from the Boston finish line have in his hands? This year has been a sobering one, I think, for our country. Slowly we realize we can't protect our children.

There you are.

Hello again. It's been a while.

I can't really say where I've been, except that my free time has been spent writing for Prosper clients and doing hot yoga. I miss you, Flee to the Cleve. But, I am thrilled to be working for an agency whose mission I can support wholeheartedly. Their energy is palpable, and I'm honored to be part of it.

I was featured last week on the Prosper blog talking about my transition from opera to impact. Take a look here if you like. They are such a pleasure.

We're women now.

Last weekend I turned 28. It was really lovely, and John planned a whole weekend full of surprises, and I felt insanely lucky and loved and more and more like adulthood is yes, full of bills and obligations, but happier than childhood still.

27 was the first birthday I didn't get overly excited about. It didn't feel old, but it felt like that door had been opened. It was the first time that 30 felt close. I assumed 28 would feel the same, but a little worse. I'd be even older, and even further from that fresh-faced, idealistic youth I thought I should hold close. 30 brings a lot of questions - how long can you still go dancing? And what about short shorts? Is it time for fancy eye cream? Have you reached enough goals, is your career unfolding appropriately, do you know what's next?

28 doesn't feel as lackluster as 27 did. It feels a little smarter, a little more grounded. 28 has a few more fine lines, but those lines are experience. At some point this year, I stopped wanting to barter my experience for my youth. That's the difference in 28. The things I've learned are like little badges of honor on my face. I see their value, and though many questions remain unanswered, I try to stay present. Once this past year when I complained about looking older to my best friend, she said simply, "We're women now."

This year, I have a growing sense of gratitude for this opportunity to be an adult, create a legacy, make my own family. I see opportunities around me, all the time, to create light. I often fail miserably, but that's okay, because there will be many more chances. One third of my life may be over, but from it I take my partner, my dog, and my purpose, and I look ahead.

Purpose

Recently I posted about an attempt to find opportunity in disappointment. Rather than dwell in the negative, for once I made a conscious effort to move forward. Somehow, it worked and brought good things faster than I thought possible.

March

Every year I write about how much I love March, and this one should be no different. Two years ago I was sitting in Cleveland snow, about to get engaged, and last year I was overwhelmed with gratitude at the amount of support I felt from friends and family as we approached our marriage.

This year, nothing quite so exciting is on the horizon, but that's okay. We still have sun, tulips, the promise of spring.

January and February are awful. I feel less productive and less happy, there's no color, and the tunnel seems to have no end. But then there's March.

What is Marriage: Take Care of Each Other

Yesterday I was driving to Florence for a business trip, and I was thinking about my husband.  He had made a special early morning trip for orange juice in a vitamin-laced response to my new cough. He was worried that I had to drive three hours in the rain. He made breakfast. He was taking care of me.

I realized that the word "husband" still gives me a giddy little rush. When does this end? I hope it doesn't. I'll try to extend it as long as I can, maybe forever.

Makers

Will you watch this tonight?

"There are women who fight for something bigger than themselves."

Opportunity in Disappointment

Recently I mentioned that my life has been a bit of a whirlwind, seeking direction and making difficult decisions. I felt like one door slammed shut two weeks ago, and it was disappointing. To put trust in a group of people is a big step in the first place, and to have it compromised can feel horrible. I tend to make situations out of my control very personal and look for ways to deem them "failure." When this happened to me this month, I was reminded of several things: 

One of John's great strengths is his constancy. I'm more likely to be thrown about, distracted by daily ups and downs, but his personality, and therefore his support, are unwavering. I learn from him in this regard, and I love it.

Secondly, inspiration comes from the most unexpected places. Strangely enough, one of the most supportive voices during this particular turn of events was someone from within the very group who let me down. It was a lovely reminder that sometimes, and maybe more often than we admit, kindness and grace do prevail.

And thirdly, the moment that I put my disappointment aside and opened my eyes to the path before me, I saw glaring signs that this shut door paved the way, very quickly, to that thing that becomes far more valuable: opportunity.

Somehow, a bad situation became a good one, more quickly than usual. Here's to finding that positivity more often than not.

photo via

Week in Women: Human Rights

If you're like me, you're constantly watching women's issues with the frustration and hope that pervades all of us in 2013. We're so close. Yet, not at all.

You watch Michelle and Hillary intently, and you groan when Sheryl Sandberg's comments are so good and so bad at the same time. You saw that good piece in the NY Times Saturday about the need to redefine women's rights in the workplace to human rights in the workplace, and you've been following the conversation about the benefits of universal preschool.

Stephanie Coontz is right - gender equality hasn't just stalled. We've hit a wall. Sometimes it's hard to know what to do next. Education and conversations about these things are a step in the right direction. Here's one of the best lists I've seen of gender equality principles. It helped me to see everything in one place, and I thought you might like it, too. The organization who created it suggests encouraging your company to complete their workplace assessment, which seems well-intentioned but a bit far-fetched. The Work-Life balance section feels especially pressing to me on a personal level, at age 27 - in a time when working more hours means more success, how do I make my career and family ambitions complement one another?


photo via

Missed you

Friends! I've missed you.

At some point about three weeks ago, I got extremely busy and something had to give. I've been working every weekend to help with the Governor's School audition season, traveling every week, and at the same time found myself faced with some big shifts relating to career.

Although I'm still working weekends and traveling, the big things have all settled. I left my part time job to pursue more meaningful work. I got a wonderful professional opportunity that forced me to make some hard decisions about career direction. While coming to a conclusion was a bit stressful, I feel confident now that I'm on the right path. It's a good feeling, even if it doesn't always last long.

I hope you've been well, too. xo!