Greeting 2014 & Looking Ahead

I recently asked John what word best described our 2013. Unfortunately he didn't hear "our" and said "twerk" without hesitation.

At the New Year, I shy away from hard, fast resolutions and opt instead for adjectives. Words I hope will paint my decisions over the next year. Concepts that describe my intentions and might eventually bridge the gap between what I want to happen and what actually happens.

When I asked John again for 2013 words, he gave momentum, change, challenge. 

I agree. I was scrappy, working hard, searching for answers, and he was, too. But on the other side, we realize now that we did gain momentum. It feels good, like we got some answers and have a plan.

The words I've chosen for 2014 all invoke a sense of calm. I'm letting anxiety related to career and future go and trusting the path that's emerging.

On New Year's Day, we did 108 Sun Salutations to welcome the beautiful new year. 108 symbolizes many things, but for me, it meant 108 physical prayers, or meditations, for 2014. The words became my mantra.

John described our hopes for this year nicely: in 2013, we worked hard to build our ship and cast our sails. Now, we just have to let the wind carry us.

Lessons Learned & Progress Made

Whew, you guys. It's been a crazy three months. In a great way.

I've learned a lot. There's a thing where you learn some stuff and another thing where your life actually changes, and mine was the latter. The second I insisted on positive energy was the moment I realized I was manifesting change.

We've made so many friends, and they're wonderful. Our view of the social landscape in our city has transformed, for the better. The way better. We were ready to leave at a moment's notice, but now we love Greenville. It's amazing the difference finding your people can make.

I've been working harder than ever. I've learned a lot about burning the candle at both ends and switching careers. When you leave something you chose at 16, and get to know yourself again as an adult, it takes some time to figure out where you want to land. For me, it took 1.5 years to discover where I want to be, with the help of some serendipitous landmarks and road signs. I've seen rewards, but I'm still working like a madwoman to make it happen. Though I'm not quite there yet, I feel close enough to stop for a second and write this post.

I've learned professional lessons. I understand that as disingenuous as I considered it to be, "networking" is indeed the way to go. And instead of a weird popularity contest, sometimes it's just nice people who want to help each other. Social media makes it easier, but it's time-consuming. I've learned that thinking outside the box and being resourceful - and finding others willing to do the same - is my best bet.

I've realized that being open, asking for help, letting my go-to reaction be "yes," and taking time to stop, smile, say hello makes all the difference. Inviting positive energy into your life, or believing you deserve it, can be half the battle.

Another transformative thing was yoga every day. Okay, almost every day. I used to be a twice a week person. This summer proved that finding physical activity that makes you wildly happy and sticking to it has great rewards. It also provides a sense of community. And I've consumed the coconut water of 500 coconuts.

It's normal for twenty-somethings to be asking questions. John and I have been wondering where we'll end up, what we'll do, how we'll contribute something to this crazy world. And perhaps for the first time ever, I'm enjoying the process instead of demanding an answer.

In the midst of a time filled with change, questions, and excitement, two things remain: John and Herbie. I'm grateful as ever.

What a Summer: Relentlessly Being in the Present

What a summer. That's a common phrase. Summer is the stuff dreams are made of. As a child, you spend nine grueling months of the year doing things like homework and studying, but all the while, you're dreaming of summer -- sweet, cheerful, lazy summer. Even as I approach the end of my twenties, I find that sentiment remains.

Dog Moms are People Too

Motherhood teaches you a lot of things, I think. Right now the people who think dog moms aren't real moms are probably rolling their eyes, but I don't mind too much. All I know is that there is a tiny, relatively helpless being who counts on me for his health and happiness, and I feel an intense responsibility to meet those needs tenfold. Motherhood - the desire to nurture, extreme concern for another's well being, a sense of obligation that you welcome. Feeding and holding and staying awake at night if it becomes necessary. Or even if it doesn't.

That Which Determines Our Fate

15 people holding onto that which will determine their fate, by Amanda Blake 

I love this painting so much. I dream of hanging it in my home, gazing at each person, imagining the stories they would tell if they could.

Soon more people fill my mind. What would my mother be holding, if she were added? What would I be holding? What would the 8-year-old boy from the Boston finish line have in his hands? This year has been a sobering one, I think, for our country. Slowly we realize we can't protect our children.

We're women now.

Last weekend I turned 28. It was really lovely, and John planned a whole weekend full of surprises, and I felt insanely lucky and loved and more and more like adulthood is yes, full of bills and obligations, but happier than childhood still.

27 was the first birthday I didn't get overly excited about. It didn't feel old, but it felt like that door had been opened. It was the first time that 30 felt close. I assumed 28 would feel the same, but a little worse. I'd be even older, and even further from that fresh-faced, idealistic youth I thought I should hold close. 30 brings a lot of questions - how long can you still go dancing? And what about short shorts? Is it time for fancy eye cream? Have you reached enough goals, is your career unfolding appropriately, do you know what's next?

28 doesn't feel as lackluster as 27 did. It feels a little smarter, a little more grounded. 28 has a few more fine lines, but those lines are experience. At some point this year, I stopped wanting to barter my experience for my youth. That's the difference in 28. The things I've learned are like little badges of honor on my face. I see their value, and though many questions remain unanswered, I try to stay present. Once this past year when I complained about looking older to my best friend, she said simply, "We're women now."

This year, I have a growing sense of gratitude for this opportunity to be an adult, create a legacy, make my own family. I see opportunities around me, all the time, to create light. I often fail miserably, but that's okay, because there will be many more chances. One third of my life may be over, but from it I take my partner, my dog, and my purpose, and I look ahead.

Purpose

Recently I posted about an attempt to find opportunity in disappointment. Rather than dwell in the negative, for once I made a conscious effort to move forward. Somehow, it worked and brought good things faster than I thought possible.

What is Marriage: Take Care of Each Other

Yesterday I was driving to Florence for a business trip, and I was thinking about my husband.  He had made a special early morning trip for orange juice in a vitamin-laced response to my new cough. He was worried that I had to drive three hours in the rain. He made breakfast. He was taking care of me.

I realized that the word "husband" still gives me a giddy little rush. When does this end? I hope it doesn't. I'll try to extend it as long as I can, maybe forever.

Opportunity in Disappointment

Recently I mentioned that my life has been a bit of a whirlwind, seeking direction and making difficult decisions. I felt like one door slammed shut two weeks ago, and it was disappointing. To put trust in a group of people is a big step in the first place, and to have it compromised can feel horrible. I tend to make situations out of my control very personal and look for ways to deem them "failure." When this happened to me this month, I was reminded of several things: 

One of John's great strengths is his constancy. I'm more likely to be thrown about, distracted by daily ups and downs, but his personality, and therefore his support, are unwavering. I learn from him in this regard, and I love it.

Secondly, inspiration comes from the most unexpected places. Strangely enough, one of the most supportive voices during this particular turn of events was someone from within the very group who let me down. It was a lovely reminder that sometimes, and maybe more often than we admit, kindness and grace do prevail.

And thirdly, the moment that I put my disappointment aside and opened my eyes to the path before me, I saw glaring signs that this shut door paved the way, very quickly, to that thing that becomes far more valuable: opportunity.

Somehow, a bad situation became a good one, more quickly than usual. Here's to finding that positivity more often than not.

photo via

Week in Women: Human Rights

If you're like me, you're constantly watching women's issues with the frustration and hope that pervades all of us in 2013. We're so close. Yet, not at all.

You watch Michelle and Hillary intently, and you groan when Sheryl Sandberg's comments are so good and so bad at the same time. You saw that good piece in the NY Times Saturday about the need to redefine women's rights in the workplace to human rights in the workplace, and you've been following the conversation about the benefits of universal preschool.

Stephanie Coontz is right - gender equality hasn't just stalled. We've hit a wall. Sometimes it's hard to know what to do next. Education and conversations about these things are a step in the right direction. Here's one of the best lists I've seen of gender equality principles. It helped me to see everything in one place, and I thought you might like it, too. The organization who created it suggests encouraging your company to complete their workplace assessment, which seems well-intentioned but a bit far-fetched. The Work-Life balance section feels especially pressing to me on a personal level, at age 27 - in a time when working more hours means more success, how do I make my career and family ambitions complement one another?


photo via

Missed you

Friends! I've missed you.

At some point about three weeks ago, I got extremely busy and something had to give. I've been working every weekend to help with the Governor's School audition season, traveling every week, and at the same time found myself faced with some big shifts relating to career.

Although I'm still working weekends and traveling, the big things have all settled. I left my part time job to pursue more meaningful work. I got a wonderful professional opportunity that forced me to make some hard decisions about career direction. While coming to a conclusion was a bit stressful, I feel confident now that I'm on the right path. It's a good feeling, even if it doesn't always last long.

I hope you've been well, too. xo!

January

In December, as I felt myself mentally slowing down in anticipation of the holidays, I imagined a very productive and energetic January. I had plans to buy and learn Elements, and I envisioned endless yoga classes and a lot of reading. As it turns out, this month is just the opposite of what I planned. The only things on that list I've touched are a couple of books.

Baby Fever is Real

There's truth behind baby fever. I never really believed it until this past year, but the biological clock is no joke. I always knew I would have a child someday, but I never actively wanted one. At some point after turning 27, the way I viewed babies changed. Suddenly, they were much cuter and so irresistible. I found myself thinking about them and how wonderful it will be to have our own. (Not anytime soon :)

Goodbye 2012 and Happy New Year

Everyone, Happy New Year!

It's hard to believe that two years have passed since I wrote this 2011 New Year's post. A lot has changed since then. Things have settled. John and I left the transitional period and have been in Greenville longer than anywhere else. For now, we're here to stay.

Each time I've thought about what one word might describe 2012, joy has jumped into my head with relentless certainty. 2012 was joyful. Marriage is a joy, John is a joy, the little pieces of our everyday life are a joy.

Sandy Hook

It's hard to know what to say about Sandy Hook.

I can't stop thinking about the children, and I'm sure you feel the same. Somehow, more than any other recent tragedy, it feels like we're all in this together. We're all grieving, and we're all brought to tears by each child's photo. We are all heartbroken to imagine the terror those sweet faces experienced in their last moments, and the unimaginable, gaping loss surely felt by their families.

Why blog?

I've asked myself many times why, and if, I should blog. What an egocentric pursuit, I tell myself. Flee to the Cleve started as a creative outlet when I left opera - and a way to document an exciting, spontaneous move to Cleveland. There was a lull while I was planning our wedding, but it remained a place to record moments in our little family's life that would otherwise be forgotten.

Women and the Likeability Gap, Ambition Gap, and Fortune 500 Report

From Lisa Congdon's blog - 365 Days of Hand Lettering. 

Today, we have sad news for women: the Afghan Head of Women's Affairs was assassinated. This is the second time in six months that the person in this position has been killed.

Luckily, we also have some good news.

The Day I Met My Match

Herbie's first days at home

My dog is a mini me. I don't know if I knew that the second I saw him or if it happened later, but I think it was the first. After visiting every shelter in Baltimore County in August 2009, it seemed impossible to find a dog that was an acceptable size for my tiny apartment. That apartment was amazing, by the way, on the corner with a view, and incredibly peaceful. At the shelters, there were so many boxers and pitbulls. Some of them broke my heart, but they wouldn't have had the room they needed with me, plus let's just face it, I wanted a living, breathing stuffed animal. One day I was visiting the Balt City SPCA for the 10th time, and there was a new dog, a small one: mangled, terrified little Herbie with huge eyes and a teddy bear face. Love at first sight. Really. We looked at each other and knew. There was an understanding. He said I think you could love me and I said yes I could. He had literally just arrived, been given up by his owner, and he was windswept and disoriented to prove it.

5th Graders: Highlight of my Week

At Governor's School last week, I did lots of things. Somehow, though, the highlight was a crazy group of 5th graders who visited campus. I wasn't exactly dreading helping with the event, but it wasn't on the list of things I was looking forward to, either. When they arrived, we got them off the bus, let them use the bathroom, and corralled them in a lobby to regroup.They were given a choice between music, visual art, and dance, and the music kids were told to stand next to me. I was ambushed and noticed right away that personal space was not a priority. Somehow I didn't mind, though; I kind of felt like Mother Goose (was it her?) with the huge skirt hiding lots of happy children. Plus, they didn't have that weird smell yet that 5th graders get after recess.

Right away these kids had questions and energy. So many questions and so much energy. They were incredibly bright. I've spoken to many groups of 8th graders about Governor's School opportunities, in big groups and small groups and one-on-one. The 5th graders' questions were way better. They were more enthusiastic and willing to think outside of whatever box gets put around us in middle school.

We all know that middle school is rough. What happens, though, to make us start judging one another constantly? Then we are afraid to be so bold with our questions, it's harder to think outside the acceptable box, and we make sure, in any situation, that our enthusiasm is dulled just enough to avoid criticism. Those habits seem to stay with us for the rest of our lives.

Maybe 5th graders have the answer: fewer filters and more happiness.

Happy Monday,

Lauren


The monkey is by Sharon Montrose from 200x200. He seems like a 5th grader.

How to Live Without Irony

Did you see this great piece in the NY Times about living without irony?

Whether you've ever considered yourself a hipster or made fun of one - or if you've ever thought about what it means to live authentically - this is for you.